The Six of Clubs Wins Free Beer

By Ray Adams

frankandarchie@yahoo.com

Readers of this blog are undoubtedly familiar with the Sevens and Under Public House. This is a gathering spot for the lowly cards in a bridge deck. The only requirement for membership being that the card in question has to be lower than an eight. This is a jolly place where the little spot cards kick back and drink beer while telling tales of their exploits at the table. Once a month, a contest is held for the best bridge story in which that particular spot card played a heroic role. This is the entry for the Six of Clubs:

“Well,” the Six of Clubs said, “I was all nested in with my big and little club buddies in Mr. South’s long suit. Now, most Souths felt the fear of God Almighty when they noticed that they were vulnerable and East/West weren’t. So they chickened out and didn’t pre-empt and North/South had an easy run to a heart contract. Almost nobody made more than nine little tricks, but two careless players somehow let one pair make four hearts. But at the table where I was in play, the South player was a very brave soul who immediately pre-empted over East’s opener. When his partner raised him to five, West finally got around to doubling, for sure counting on a big number. But, you see, partners, he hadn’t counted on me.”

The other spot cards laughed at the little six’s “Ah shucks” demeanor.

“West led the singleton spade and my hero won in dummy with the ace. He then played the king of diamonds to West’s ace. West got out with a diamond, the queen snatching this, as my hero kicked out a heart. Next Mr. South ruffed a diamond, and ruffed a heart in dummy.”

The Six of Clubs then told how Mr. South ruffed dummy’s last diamond. “Yessir, he did,” the Six of Clubs said, “and darned if he didn’t up and ruff his next to last heart in dummy. Now ain’t this exciting?”

“It’s so exciting I’m gonna need another beer soon,” the Five of Hearts yelled, causing an outbreak of laughter from the attentive crowd. For after all, it had only been twenty seconds or so since this fine spot card had refreshed his mug.

“Well now,” the Six of Clubs continued, “we see just how smart our brave soul was. He led a spade from dummy and ruffed it with the Ace of Clubs! No matter how much he wanted to, old West couldn’t overruff that baby!”

“Surely he must come from a family of rocket scientists,” the Three of Diamonds said.

“Or maybe his daddy solved three dimensional sudoku puzzles while waiting in a checkout line,” the Deuce of Spades said.

“Let’s drink to smart declarers!” the Four of Diamonds yelled and this caused a rush to the bar and made the Six of Clubs temporarily suspend the spinning of his tale.

“So now, he was all safe and sound back in his own hand and he up and ruffed that last heart of his with dummy’s last trump. So all that was left in dummy was the spade suit.”

“Lead a spade, lead a spade,” the tipsy Seven, Six, Five, Four, Three, and Deuce of Spades chanted.

“Well, he sure had to,” the Six of Clubs said, “and he ruffed it with the jack of clubs. Old West decided not to overruff, throwing away a heart. And now, guess what? Old West had the king, five, and deuce of clubs left and my hero had the eight, seven, and good old yours truly. So can you see that if I had been in the West hand and my good little brother, the Five of Clubs, had been in declarer’s, my hero would have gone down. So I done saved him!”

The crowd cheered wildly and when the patrons later voted, the Six of Clubs won the big prize, which was three evenings of free beer. Everyone cheered the valiant six, and to show he was a good sport, he gave his first free beer to the Five of Clubs. After that, it was a memorable and merry night at the Sevens and Under Public House.